Wednesday, 26 November 2008


Jeremy Clarkson has threatened to quit top rated motoring show 'Top Gear' if BBC bosses don't make it more 'manly'.
The jeans wearing, pint liking presenter and journalist, 54, told CHB:

"I'm a man's man. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I believe TV programmes about cars are a man's thing. I was all for the change of format for 'Top Gear', when we started doing it in a big garage and stopped doing reviews of poofy little cars only poor people could afford. I was all for having birds in the audience, provided they had big tits and tight tops and stood near the front so I could single them out for some of my light hearted blokey laddishness. I even came up with the idea that the Stig should always wear his helmet and play uncool CDs when he's doing the test drives. And that one of the other presenters should be a short arsed pretty boy who can't take his ale.
Recently, poofyness has definitely been creeping back in, though. I mean, when I started doing all my features where I smashed up caravans and attacked cheap cars with sledgehammers, the audience lapped it up and ratings went through the roof. When I suggested to the bosses we up the ante with things like seeing if we could buy a used Ferrari for less than £25000 and drive it in a straight line through 25000 infected cows during the foot and mouth outbreak, or attempting to drive a Bugatti Veyron non stop from the north pole to Casino Square in Monte Carlo with a picture of Kylie Minogue's arse stuck to the dashboard and Richard Hammond in the boot pissing into a Lucozade bottle they just looked at me like I'd ran into their living room on Christmas Day and vomitted...........all over their poodle.
I've told them if they want to turn the show into some kind of educational and informative Open University style carnival of poofiness, they can count me out. I just can't see myself doing the kind of...(cont. on page 64)